These days there are many things going through my mind. A lot that I couldn't understand and figure out.

Reading a book that has a small part relating to "understanding", I kinda of agree to it.

Never try to say that you understand someone well.

Reason why the above statement sounds true to me is because I don't really understand myself and what I want.

lately, things haven't been acting and happening in the way I wanted. Everything has started to be in a mess and not being properly handled.Till date, I still couldn't make up my mind about what I want in life, I haven't truly given myself enough time to think about what are the things I need now. 

At times, certain things that I've said may not necessary be what I actually feel. Some feelings are still bound to be kept. In a sense that, even if how much you try to show it out, it may not be felt by others. I would rather choose to keep it within myself than sharing it with others. Certainly, it may become a burden of others if you do it too often. What I actually thought was, if you really bother/care then try asking how they feel. If you are just asking for the sake of asking, it would be kinda of superficial and pointless since you cant really bothered about it so why bother asking. 

Since young, I haven't been sharing much of my problems with people around me as I find that it's not necessary but after too long you will feel terrible and eventually break down. And you will be breaking down at a wrong timing even with the slightest matter, you would still feel like crying. There is a hole that has been there since young, no matter how much is being done, nothing much is able to help. The lack in communication in this family has already been a big problem which not many has realised. 

Each time when they quarrel, I am so afraid that something bad may happen. It seems like everything from the past is replaying. Something that I've seen more than my sister and she may not have understand how i feel. Crying was one of my past time hobby when I was young. That sounded crazy, and it come to a haul till I started living with grandparents. The scenes of them quarreling have always been stuck in my mind for ages, that is something that I can't seem to forget. Once they started raising their voices at each other, I will start to feel scared. I don't exactly know what they are thinking about but what i know is, it is tiring for them to live together when communication is what this family lacked most. I always got the feeling that they actually hated each other that much, but they still continue to live together for the sake of living together. So to not worsen the matter,they stopped talking unless needed.

Sorry for being random, but today haven't started off well since I've woke up.