sweet nothings.

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You made me (dis)believe in love, baby.

hey. navis are up there. *points at the top*.
Saw it? click whatever you want dearies! :D
Ending with the last 5 words; I love you crazily forever.

I hope the next time i see you, you'll be the one who say "hi" to me first.

Friday, February 20, 2009, 6:47 PM

hasnt been a good week for me.
i have lost many things in this week.
i lost the one who dotes me, i lost my slp, i'm lost in sch, i'm lost everywhere.
i din expect all these to be happening.
and now i'm leaving with some regrets.
if only i'm not that lazy and bad.
but well i have alr lost it, no point for me to say it anymore.
i can never pay back wad i have done wrong.
16feb will be the date which i will rmb always.
this is the day my ahgong left us. the day that i shed lots of tears and feeling that sad.
the day which i'm so wide awake that i cant even slp.
i regretted for not visiting ahgong on sat night and blame it on my lazy-ness.
if only i know that he is not going to make it anymore, however i failed to notice it.
only till sun when i go over, he was alr v sick.
when he was half-conscious that when i call him, he could hardly hear me.
when i thought that he would be alright that it was just a slight fever but never did i expect him to just go the following day.
i was so scared and feeling helpless when i saw grandma dressing him up with all the clothes.
i started to think and wonder, not knowing wad to do but to look at him all the while.
it was only then i realised, he has to go. we stood by him and accompany him, not to let him go that early. calling him for countless times hoping that he will hear me. calling him that much cos i knew i wont be able to call him anymore. i refused to go hm and only till 12plus then i left for hm.
and i was afraid that he will just go anytime. just only when i came hm and rested for an hr, sis told me that he had gone alr.
at that point of time, i felt nth, sad but tears did not come out. only few moments later, i started feeling smth, and cried like mad in my bed. i blame myself for not being good grand-daughter, i blame myself for being lazy and not visiting him. tears just got heavier each time. after dad called, rushed over to grand hse crying like mad. i wanted to be by his side but i wasnt there. i did not manage to accompany ahgong till the end. and i really wanted to. stayed awake the whole night walking in and out of his room, looking at him. went to sch and inform teachers abt it and left hm. went hm alone and was brave enough to not cry.
i do have some stm, cos i know ahgong actually dote me alot but i just cant rmb much at that point of time. ahgong treated sis and me the best. giving wadever we want most of the time. whenever i have no money, he will give me, when it's my bday he will also buy me things or give me money too. but sadly, i haven buy anything for ahgong he has alr gone. i feeling terribly bad cos i think i'm not a good girl. ahgong haven tell me anything before he left and i'm hoping to hear smth from him. i do have some emotional problems and i admit it.
went to sch on wed and thurs for half a day but well i din really settle myself down for lesson and i think i'm drowned with hmwk and tests this weekend.
thanks to mingquan, huiaun and fang who came on wed to pei me talk. even though i din manage to see fang. but seeing u guys did make my day. and also carol weiting and xuan ytd night. (: i appreciate it ppl.
today was the last day i can see ahgong again and i wont be able to see him anymore. i just cried and cried till i feel nth and not crying much after that. when i wan to cry i cant cry, when i wan to stop crying it just flow out like a tap that is spoilted.
alright actually i still have many more to say but idk wad i wanted to say. got to get some slp in order to push myself for hmwk tmr.